Money Shots
by Swallowraven
Summary: What do you do when your friends in the next room assault your eardrums with noisy, invasive sex sounds? If you're the Hamato brothers, you start placing bets. Rated M for some smutty talk.


_This is something I posted a long time ago in the Stealthy Stories naughty section. I recently figured what the heck, I'll put it here, too. It's not too naughty._

**This isn't really a smut, although there's smut going on in the next room, which inspires a bit a wagering. I don't know where they are - in an inn somewhere. I don't know why they are there - this is just a frivolous piece I did to entertain myself. But then, I'm easily entertained. Oooooo...look at the shiny spoon....**

**Money Shots**

Michelangelo was complaining. "How come Usagi and Missy get a room to themselves and the four of us have to be crowded in here?"

"Do you really need it explained to you?" Raph said with a smirk.

"Didn't Splinter have that little talk with you when you were twelve?" Don put in.

"Very funny. I'm just saying, do they have to be screwing right this minute –"he raised his voice, addressing the wall dividing the rooms – "rather noisily, I might add - with the rest of us all cramped together?"

Raphael shrugged, pulling a bottle out of the six pack and twisting off the top. "They don't see each other a lot. Cut 'em some slack."

"Maybe we should go out for a while, guys," Leo said.

"I'm tired," Raph said, dropping into a chair at the small table. "I ain't going nowhere."

"How about having a little respect for their privacy, Raph?"

"They know we're here. If they don't care, I don't care."

Leonardo sat down across from Raph, pulling a bottle out for himself. "It's like listening to my sister having sex, or something," he muttered uncomfortably.

Raph eyed him thoughtfully. "Yeah, but not really. It's not like you haven't thought about nailing Missy at one time or another."

Leo drew himself up, offended. "She's with my best friend."

"I mean before him."

"No, I haven't."

"Right, Leo," Raph scoffed. "Give it up."

"Who do you think I am, you?"

"Come on. Cute girl, right in the lair, all vulnerable and needy…all hot for you for who the hell knows what reason…and you not getting any anywhere else…"

Leo narrowed his eyes, as much annoyed at the assumption that he couldn't get any as the idea that he would take advantage of Melissa. "It never crossed my mind."

"Not even when –"

"No."

"Bullshit."

Gazes locked, the matter became a contest of wills. If either one looked away it would be like admitting the other was right. Mike grabbed a beer for himself and Donatello and retreated from the line of fire. Aside from Master Splinter and maybe Usagi, Leo and Raph were the only two people he knew who could long endure a stare down from either one of them.

Don smiled his thanks as he took his bottle. "Ten dollars says Raph looks away first," he said.

Mike shrugged agreeably. "Okay, I'll take Leo." He settled down on the bed opposite Don to wait out the glaring match.

A very loud, reverberating thud against the wall dividing the rooms made all four of them suddenly leap up in alarm. The wall on their side shuddered from the blow. "Hey!" "Whoa!" "Watch the wall!" Several voices cried at once.

"Jeez, they're gonna crack the plaster," Mike mumbled.

"So which one of you looked away first?" Don asked, turning to Leo and Raph.

"He did," they said in unison, each pointing to the other.

Don rolled his eyes. "Okay, that one's a wash." A more muffled thud came from the next room, the sound of two bodies hitting the floor. "Vigorous, aren't they?"

"Lends a whole new meaning to the term 'screwing like rabbits,'" Mike noted.

"And now, class," said Don, with his best academic delivery, "we are about to witness one of nature's wonders: the never before seen mating ritual of the rare and elusive male katana bunny with the plentiful and rather easy homo-sapien female."

"Heh heh," Mike chortled. "Katana bunny."

"Better not let April hear you call her easy," said Leonardo.

Don looked at him, stung "I'm just kidding."

"Come on," Mike leapt to his defense. "Leave him alone, he's working a shtick. You go right ahead, Donnie."

"Forget it now," Don said sullenly.

"So anyone wanna bet she'll be a screamer?" Mike asked after few moments of silence.

"Pfft. Too easy," said Raph. "You know she'll be a screamer."

"How about whether she screams his name or just inarticulate shrieks?" Don suggested, already recovered from his brief sulk.

"How about who comes first, her or him?" said Mike.

Don considered it. "Eh, I say they come together. He's a perfectionist. He'll wait right up to the moment she gets off and then he'll let go."

"What, you think he can come on cue?" Raph said skeptically.

A slow, rather smug grin crossed Donnie's face. "Well, you know, if you have sufficient self control…"

Raph smirked back at him "Yeah? Care to give us a demonstration, Donnie boy?"

"I'm afraid you'll just have to take my word for it."

"Naw, let's just ask April," Mike said gleefully.

"Mikey, if you say one fucking word –"

"Missy will come first," Leo's quiet voice broke in. All eyes turned to him. "He'll make sure she's satisfied before he pleases himself."

Mike grinned mischievously. "So you know him that well, do you?"

"Yeah, I do."

Mike's grin became positively lascivious. Leo really was slow on the uptake sometimes. "Oh, do you _really?_"

"Yeah, I –" Leo cut himself off as he suddenly caught on. "Not funny, Mike. _At all._"

"I thought it was a little funny," Mike muttered.

"Yeah, Leo, that was funny," said Raph.

"I found it funny," offered Don.

"Alright, alright," Leo said, slapping twenty dollars onto the table to distract them. "Twenty bucks. Missy comes first. Who's in?"

Mike added twenty of his own while singing huskily, "_Come together, right now, over me._"

"I think I'll abstain," said Don.

"What?" Mike cried. "It was your theory!"

"Yeah, but on second thought, it's really too close to call."

"Raph, you in?" Leo challenged.

"Is the loser gonna cover twenty for each of the winners?"

"Sure," said Leo, all confidence.

"I can't," said Mike. "All I got's twenty.

"Hmmm."

"You better decide quick," said Don. "They're building up to something in there."

Raph considered. He stood to make more money if he bet against Leo. But then, if he were to go with his gut, and his gut was never wrong – His musings were interrupted by feminine voice crying out ecstatically in utter abandon.

"Too late, Raph," Don informed "Thar she blows."

"Pleasure doing business with you, Mike," said Leo, gathering up his winnings.

"Hey," said Mike, unperturbed. "I'll dig up another twenty for anyone who calls Usagi 'katana bunny' to his face."

"Heh. I'll do it," said Raph.

"Will you really?"

Raph shrugged "What's he gonna do?"

"He'll probably just be puzzled," Don said.

"That or he'll kick your ass," countered Mike.

Raph snorted his opinion of that idea. "We'll see about that."

"Yeah, we would see it," said Leo, for once deliberately pushing Raph's buttons instead of pushing then whether he wanted to or not.

"Maybe I need to kick your ass, Leo."

"Must be nice to have a dream," Leo returned mildly.

Raph growled. It wasn't so much that Leo could be an arrogant fuck when he felt like it, but that he only did it when Splinter wasn't around to see it. "Come on, then. Right now."

"Hey! Hey! Listen," Mike said excitedly. From next door came the definite sound of two people getting off simultaneously and in spectacular fashion. "That's the sound of two people coming. They just came together!"

"Yeah. So?" queried Leo.

"So… I win, too!"

"No, no. Sorry, Mike. It was whichever happened first. It doesn't matter if they came together later."

"Aw, come on! I should get at least a ten for that! Not fair."

Leo sighed the sigh of the long suffering and indulgent. He slowly pulled out a ten dollar bill and handed it over. "Alright, Mikey. Here you go." The room was quiet for a few moments.

"I got twenty says she comes again," Raphael said into the silence.

Mike considered I with some doubt.. "Three times in a row?"

"I'd guess the odds are against it," said Don.

"She can do three," Raph said confidently.

"He might be worn out."

"So? I don't care if he gets off again, as long as he gets her off."

"_She's_ probably worn out," Leo pointed out.

Raph eyed him critically. "What's the matter, Leo, you never got a girl off three times before?"

Leo returned his gaze with the gravity and seriousness of a magistrate on the bench. "Sure. Three times. No problem." Raphael prided himself on being able to read people but damned if he could ever tell when Leo was bluffing.

"Well, wait," said Don, bringing Raph's mind back to the bet. "We need a time limit. It can't count if they fall asleep for an hour and then wake up and do it again."

"Let's say within the next twenty minutes," Raph offered.

"Five minutes," Don countered.

"Fifteen."

"I'll give you ten.

"Fine," Raph agreed, "in the next ten minutes, she'll go off again.

"Okay, I'm in," Don said, putting down his twenty. "I say it won't happen."

"I'm in, too," said Mike. "On the 'nay' side."

"You need twenty to be in, Mikey," Raph told him.

"Can I borrow another ten from someone?" Mike's eyes turned to the most likely target. "Leo?"

"Yes, Mikey?"

Mike gave him a look so soulful it would have made a spaniel puppy weep and gnash its teeth in envy. "Pleeeaase?"

Leo sighed, and gave him another ten. "Okay, Mikey."

"Thanks! You're my favorite brother, you know that? I'll pay you right back."

"Okay, Mikey," Leo said patiently, knowing that Mike would forget all about it by tomorrow and that he himself would never press him about it.

"Ten minutes," Don announced. "Starting…now."

They all gazed expectantly at the wall, and waited. And waited some more. There were no signs of life from the next room.

"It's quiet in there," Don said. "Maybe they already fell asleep."

"I'll see what they're doing," Mike said cheerfully. He went to the wall and pressed the side of his face against it.

"Jeez, Mikey, why don't you just put a glass up to the wall?"

"No thanks, I can hear fine. Yeah, they're still at it….Huh, I didn't know Missy knew any Japanese."

"I've been teaching her some," said Leo. "Splinter, too."

Mike's eyes widened and he suppressed a guffaw. "I didn't know she knew how to say _that!_ Leo, you dog, what are you teaching her?"

"Nothing like that!"

"You don't even know what she said."

"Whatever it was, it wasn't me."

"Well, it sure as hell wasn't Splinter."

"Hey, you never know," said Don. "Splinter's inscrutable. Who knows what goes on in his head?"

"So what's the news, over there?" Raph said, a bit impatiently.

"Uh…" Mike listened carefully. "He's working her up to it."

"He better work fast," Don commented. "Time's running out. Five minutes, Raph."

"I know it," Raph snapped. He fixed his gaze intently at the wall, as if he could reach through and get her off himself on the sheer force of his will. "Come on baby," he whispered under his breath. "Come for me."

A woman's voice began to cry out in the other room, building in volume until it climaxed in piercing shrieks. Then her cries of passion were drowned out by Raphael's cry of triumph.

"That's it! There's my money shot, right there! Cough it up, you two."

"I can't believe I lost twice," Mike muttered dolefully as for the second time that day a brother took all his money.

"And let's have a round of applause for our lovely contestants," said Don, gesturing to the wall. "Weren't they fabulous?"

The brothers golf clapped appreciatively at the unseen occupants in the next room. "Good show, guys!" " Well done!" " Indeed!"

They heard Missy's voice call out one last time, hesitant and more than a little embarrassed. "Uh…thank you?"


End file.
